Toto Riina, an infamous name consists of the two famous words. The name alone sent bone fracturing cold shivers down the spine of the people in the world decades ago. The world was enduring one of its darkest eras under his reign. He didn’t practically conquer the world by grenades, missiles and jet planes but being a low profile yet sovereign mafia of his time, he had the world in his grip. His power and privilege of having the innocent people under his agonizing control certainly drew the attention of young teenagers in Italy to follow his footsteps. They desired to feel the nobility in Toto Riina’s shoes, as a man whom every single soul feared. They wanted to be known by the world as the mafia who thumped the government authorities and transformed them into his puppets under his strict orders. The blood which ran in these teenage youngsters’ veins was rebellious. The nerve impulses sent to the central system were in rage. However, of all these teenagers, there was only one who was an adherent follower of Toto Riina. He only had one vision in his life. One long desired vision since he was at the tender age of 9. That is to be closely assigned under the great mafia himself. The boy was not to be blamed at for his what a brutal desire. But it was the upbringing of him in a rather insecure environment that influenced him. He was raised in Sicily, the land of the origin of mafia. Isn’t that a solid reason to justify the boy’s ambition? And the boy was none other than me.
My history wasn’t as tormented as those who had the similar ambition as me. As a matter of fact, I was the only golden child to my financially stable parents. My father was a bank officer and my mother was a medical examiner at a local clinic. Such employments were reputable back in those days, the 80s era. Both earned convincing income, enough to support a family of three. I first came to know about Riina when I was 9. I was fascinated by his story. It was such a strange admiration for a 9 year old kid who was supposed to play football with his friends in the field but instead was obsessed with a rancour criminal. When I was at my adolescence phase, my Riina-mania started to escalate in the blood vessels and each cell of my body like a virus spreading with mayhem. I wanted to be like him. I wanted to be revered by the commons. I wanted to be honoured as “Don”. I wanted to be the next Toto Riina who was known as “The Beast”. I wanted to be superior compared to “The Beast”.
My mother was on the warpath when I informed her that I wanted to be a member of the Riina clan. She didn’t approve my 9 year long zeal of joining the Riina forces as the raison d'etre for my decision. But I retaliated and was adamant to go with my dream. My father, on the other hand, relinquished his objections knowing that nothing could ever possibly stop me from being an associate of Toto Riina, an assassin. My parents conceded, prompting to allow me to strive for my vision which to them appeared mental and inhuman. They, with a heavy heart, let go of their only son to procure his quest of becoming The Beast’s loyal hired gun.
My days as an assassin for Toto Riina were somewhat extraordinary. I mean, how would you feel if you’re working for a person who’s by far powerful and on par excellence? I handled the gun swiftly like how Jimi Hendrix worked his guitar. I hit inexplicably well at my aimed targets like how a cougar catches a gazelle. I hunted down my victims like a deadly serpent stalks on a helpless child. The thirst for blood fest triggers the strings of my pulses and I was eager for my next assignments. One dead, so will the others. I always had the phrase in my mind on every passing moment and would recite it to myself. It was like a ritual. It sort of helped me to take the lives out of my victims with ease. Soon, I was the best at what I was good at, hunting and gunning down the targeted victims, mostly our fellow mafia rivals. Riina followed the simple codes of the brutal, ancient world of the Sicilian countryside, where force is the only law and there is no contradiction between personal kindness and extreme ferocity. His philosophy was that if someone’s finger hurt, it was better to cut off his whole arm just to make sure.
One day, as I was polishing my M 16, one of my friends stormed into my room and informed that I was assigned to finish off a family of five. “Piece of cake,” I replied as soon as I left my room. Off I went hunting down my next preys. Apparently, the location of the family’s place was just a few blocks from my own place in Sicily. It had been a while since I’ve stepped foot on the soil of my birth after the argument I had with my parents of my pursuit of becoming an assassin to Toto Riina. When I got down from the car, I inhaled lungful of the familiar earthy smelling air. It felt like home. It was home. It was my home. Suddenly, there was a mystifying sense of guilt and remorse surged through my spine. I realised how much I missed my mother’s warm hug. I missed my father’s wisdom words. I missed the times when me and my mother poked jokes on my father’s ridiculous sense of style. Did I waste a portion of my life doing nothing but committing genocide? I inquired myself. I brushed aside those thoughts and focused on the real motive I was sent here. I stood in front of the targeted victims’ door. I had a moment or two with my eyes closed. I took a deep, long breath. I allowed myself to be who I was months ago, a dark assailant full of venom. I opened my eyes and kicked the front door and saw the terrified faces of the whole family.
I fired my gun mercilessly without even looking at who was I shooting at. Soon, there was a pool of blood from the dead bodies before my eyes. Satisfied with my latest success of killing, I turned around and walked towards the door before I heard some rattling noise in the kitchen. I dashed off to the kitchen. It was empty. The door for the kitchen cabinet under the stove was slightly opened. I pointed the gun at the door and kicked it open. The sight that I was seeing shattered my heart into pieces. The girl was trembling to her feet and her right knee was bleeding. She was around 3 years of age. She closed her eyes tightly assuming that I would shoot her any moment. But I didn’t. I dropped my gun and knelt in front of her offering my hand. She took it hesitatingly. We both walked to the front door. I realized that there were only 4 lifeless bodies at the hall. This girl could’ve been the fifth. But I was in content and devastated at the same time. I didn’t kill the girl but her entire family were brutally murdered by me.
I was in the state of being cognizant of the fact that I wasted 6 years of my life under the service of Riina. I pledged myself to not return to hell, the place where I worked for him. I guess luck was by my side because no one from his side knew about my whereabouts even to this day. The girl was under my care and my parents’ as well. They were on cloud nine to have their son back home. There’s nothing more precious than seeing happiness dazzling in my parents' eyes. Even better, Toto Riina was arrested for his almost life long crime. I was fortunate enough to be off from the bait long ago. The evil darkness has faded away and entered a new brighter era embracing the world after Toto Riina's brief reign.
The girl is now my adopted daughter. We spend much time together and share a great rapport. One day, as I was pacing back and forth with my little girl at a local market, I stumbled upon an old associate of mine who was also a one-time Riina's hitman. Fabio. That was his name. He looked pretty sharp with his suit and pipe in his mouth. He's now an underground mafia. Only few knew of his existence We exchanged surprised looks before he cornered me. I told my daughter to sit at the nearest bench.
"That little lassie is yours?" He asked.
"Yes," I replied
"Playing daddy duties, eh?" He chuckled. But I remained silent.
"Listen, I'm short a man or two, I figure maybe you...."
"No!" I said with a stern voice before he even finished his question.
"I will never let myself drowned in the pile of mud again. I was the protagonist in the dark chapter of my life. But that same protagonist has changed into a whole new individual now as a newer chapter rolled in. I'd like to maintain my present self that way. I swear I will."
I took my daughter and walked towards Fabio. We looked at each other for a while. I gave him enough time to decipher my look and he understood my intention. We bid our final farewell before parting our separate ways.
I wrote this essay for my English paper during SPM. I prepared this months before SPM. This is the original version. I sort of had the story in my mind for a long time. I promised myself to write this story without giving much concern on what would the ending be since the conclusion will only be given in the question. Well, there you go. Hope it was worth the read.
