Due to the lack of creativity which my mind serves me, I've decided to share some quotes by the great Stewie Griffin with you all.
Stewie: I'd love to stay and chat but you're a complete bitch, so bye!
Stewie: HA! That's so funny I forgot to laugh... excluding that first Ha.
Government Agent: You're mentally unfit to take care of your children.
Peter: NO!
Chris: NO?
Meg: NO!
Stewie: FINALLY!
Mrs. Pewterschmidt: Would you like a piece of candy?
Stewie: I smell death on you.
Stewie: I say, Mother, this hot dog has been on my plate for a full minute and it hasn't yet cut itself.
Lois: Honey, I'll be right there.
Stewie: Oh, by all means, take your time. Oh, and when you do finally get around to it, I'll be the one covered in flies with a belly that protrudes half-way to bloody Boston!
Stewie: Hey look! The fat one made a funny joke! Okay, I got one....if you were to cook any slower, why you wouldn't be cooking very fast now would you? (Pause.) Well that wasn't very funny....oh, oh... okay I got one (giggling) if you were to cook any slower, you wouldn't need an egg timer, you would need an egg calender....hahahaha!! Oh yes, I went there!!
Stewie (at airport): I require a window seat and an in flight Happy Meal, and no pickles! God help you if I find pickles!
Stewie: Hello, mother.
Lois: Why, hello Stewie!
Stewie: Mother, life is like a box of chocolates--you never know what you're gonna get. But your life is like a box of active grenades!
Lois: Aww, you just want your toy back.
Stewie: Victory is mine! (Grenades explode.) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Damn you all!
(Stewie runs out of house naked, after a bath, and rolls in mud.)
Stewie: Look Lois! I'm not clean anymore!
(Peter-washing his car, sprays Stewie clean with the hose)
Peter: There you go.
(Stewie looks down at himself in shock.)
Stewie: OH MY GOD! I'm a woman!!
Stewie: If I choose to make stool in my pants right now, you're the only one here to change me. What do you think of that, hmm?
Brian: I'm not going to change you.
Stewie: What?
Brian: I said, I'm not going to change you.
Stewie: You can't be serious. Well, what if I make a fudgie? Well, I just won't. I just won't that's all. I just won't. Blast! I just did.
Lois: Chris, we know what you did.
Chris: You mean that I lied about my age to get into an Indian casino?
Lois: No.
Chris: You mean about the time I had hard gas and pooed myself?
Peter: Close, but no.
Stewie: How is that close?
Stewie (To CPR baby): Well, I can't believe we just did that. Hmm, umm...but you know that stuff about spending the day together tomorrow. Umm...I forgot actually I have a thing. But...uhh you know you have my email address so drop me a line and I'll have yours. And uhh...we'll take it from there.
Lois (to Stewie): Come on sweetie, eat your broccoli. It's good for you! Here comes the airplane!
Stewie (to Lois): Damn you, damn the broccoli, and damn the Wright Brothers!
Stewie: Damn you ice cream, come to my mouth! How dare you disobey me!
Peter: I don't say this often enough, but, uh, I'm gonna die.
Lois: Oh my God.
Stewie: High five! Anyone? Anyone?
Lois: What's going on down here?
Stewie: Oh, we're playing house.
Lois: That boy's all tied up.
Stewie: Roman Polanski's house
Stewie: I want pancakes!! You people understand every language except English! Yo quiero pancakes! Donnez-moi pancakes! Click-click-bloody-click pancakes!!!
Butler (cuts eggs): Your eggs are cut sir.
Stewie: Cut my milk!
Butler: I can't sir, it's liquid.
Stewie: Imbecile! Freeze it, then cut it, and if you question me again I'll put you on diaper detail and I promise I won't make it easy for you.
Lois Griffin: Come on Stewie, don't be afraid. It's just water, it's not gonna bite.
Stewie Griffin: Shut up! I know it's not going to bite, stupid! What a stupid thing to say. You drown in it you moron! It doesn't have to bite you!
Lois: Stewie why don't you play in the other room?
Stewie: Why don't you burn in hell?
Bill Cosby: Stewie, what do you think candy is made out of?
Stewie Griffin: Sunshine and farts! What the hell kind of question is that?!
Stewie: Oh hey lady. Hey, what's going on? How are you? Yeah, oh it's just me, Stewie, just being myself, ah yeah. Oh, oh well this here? Oh, it's just my package, yeah just ah just ah my package, God delivered it I signed for it the world keeps on spinnin', yeah.
Stewie: Hello, mother. I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.
Venessa: Chris you have to put your parents into a home! Don't you ever want to inherit this fu**ing house?!?
Chris: Now Venessa, don't swear around Pablo.
Venessa: Oh that little shit's from Guam or something. He probably only speaks Spanish.
Stewie (Pablo): Hey "Nessa"--a bullet sounds the same in every language so stuff a sock in it cow!
Stewie: You know it's awfully dangerous for me to be walking around the mall at my height. I say, let me get on your back.
Brian: Oh for God's sake.
Stewie: Strong with the force young Skywalker is.
Brian: God, I don't believe this.
Stewie: That is why you fail
Stewie: It wasn't even about the eggs, really. Frankly, I like the yolks. I have no problem. There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and I. And it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore. I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult. And then I think to myself, 'My God wouldn't it be marvelous if I turned out to be a homosexual?'
Guy on Airplane: Oh great, I always end up sitting next to a damn baby.
Stewie: What did you just say?
Lois: Stewie, stop fussing.
Stewie: Pipe down Lois. (Slaps guy on head.) Hey big man, turn around. Oh you can't hear me now. I was going to watch the movie, but forget it. For the next 5 hours, you're my bitch.
Gotta love him!
